What is the role of the birth partner after your baby is born? How can your partner support you and your baby in the early postnatal period, and where can they find support for themselves?
Giving birth is a life-changing experience for parents and their close support network. After your baby arrives, the birth partner’s role becomes even more important. In the early weeks there are many ways your partner can support you and your little one.
First and foremost, your partner can offer emotional support: words of encouragement, understanding and reassurance during this beautiful but challenging time. They can listen to your thoughts and feelings, helping you process your birth and adjust to becoming a parent.
Your partner can also help with practical tasks, such as nappy changes, bathing your baby, rocking them or taking them out for a walk. Taking on these jobs gives you time for much-needed rest and physical recovery. They can also keep the home clean and comfortable for you both, manage visitors, and make sure you have food and drinks to hand.
Partners need to look after their own wellbeing too. Caring for a newborn can be overwhelming, and partners can also experience low mood or postnatal depression. Encourage each other to reach out to friends, family or local parent groups to share experiences and get advice. If either of you is struggling, talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP. Organisations such as PANDAS support both mums and dads.
This time is full of joy, but it can also be hard. Open communication and mutual support are key. Together you can navigate the ups and downs of early parenthood and build a strong foundation for your new family.
You might also consider hiring a postnatal doula, who can support your family emotionally and practically in the early weeks.
What are affirmations, and how can they help new parents?
Affirmations (or positive affirmations) are phrases you repeat to yourself again and again to change your mindset. You can say them out loud or in your head, or hear them as part of a session with a hypnotherapist or other therapist. Most commonly, they help you turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
Affirmations can help you feel more in control and empowered as a new parent – including while feeding your baby!
Affirmations can improve your ability to solve problems and make decisions under stress, such as sleep deprivation or pressure from others. Making the right decisions for you and your baby helps you feel empowered as a ‘good enough’ parent.
Here are some videos you can loop while feeding your baby:
Affirmations can really help new parents focus on what they can control and let go of what they can’t.
Your bubble of calm, confidence and control
Set aside a few minutes every day to focus on yourself and your bond with your baby. Imagine that you and your baby are inside a bubble – your safe space. Leave the chores, visitors and everything else outside. It’s just you and your baby. Focus on your breathing, using a calm breathing technique that suits you – you can follow the moving circle in the gif below if you like. For that time, it’s just the two of you, in a safe space, focusing on your bond.
Circle of calm, confidence and control – a technique for new parents
You could also focus on positive parenting affirmations while you’re in your bubble.
Practise your affirmations daily – you’ll feel better for it. Look after yourself and your mental health. Making time for yourself and your baby strengthens your bond, improves your mental wellbeing and may even help your postnatal healing.
Finding a new balance
Having a baby means your time for yourself, for each other as a couple, and with friends and family has to be divided differently. You’ll need to find a new balance that works for your family. Mothers and fathers both benefit from bonding with their baby and taking care of themselves – and the whole family benefits when parents make time and space for themselves, for the family together, and for each other as a couple.
Have a look at the images below. Each circle represents a person: the larger ones (grey and blue) are the parents, and the smaller lilac one is the baby. Where the circles overlap shows how much time they spend together. There may be very little couple time unless you get some help, such as a postnatal doula or a babysitter, and one parent may spend more time with the baby than the other. The parts that don’t overlap are the time you divide between chores, ‘me time’, work, family and friends, pets, hobbies and so on. Finding a balance that works for you can take a while, so give it time – and use a few minutes each day with positive affirmations to help you rebalance.
F, H. R., Supriyana, S., & Runjati, R. (2021). Self-Empowerment, Affirmation And Relaxation Training Against Stress Levels And Cortisol Levels In Pregnant Women: Systematic Literature Review. STRADA Jurnal Ilmiah Kesehatan, 10(1), 335–343. https://doi.org/10.30994/sjik.v10i1.636
Sari, R. P., Silawati, V. and Azzahroh, P. (2022). The Effectiveness of Positive Affirmations Combination of Face Acupressure and Aromatherapy Against Anxiety in Preoperative Sectio Cesarean Patients At Sentosa Hospital Bogor. Science Midwifery, 10(3), pp. 2164–2170. doi: 10.35335/midwifery.v10i3.629.
Wiesenfeld, B.M., Brockner, J., Petzall, B., Wolf, R., & Bailey, J. (2001). Stress and coping among layoff survivors: A self-affirmation analysis. Anxiety, Stress and Coping: An International Journal, 14, 15–34.
Worthman, C.M., Plotsky, P.M., Schechter, D.S., & Cummings, C.A. (eds). (2010). Formative Experiences: The Interaction of Caregiving, Culture, and Developmental Psychobiology. New York: Cambridge University Press.
Is your partner breastfeeding (or chestfeeding) your baby, or planning to? Expectant parents often ask how partners, dads, friends and family can support a breastfeeding parent. Here are 10 ways to help.
1. Learn about breastfeeding
The first step in supporting someone who is breastfeeding is to understand the basics of how it works. Put in some time and effort to learn about the physiology of breastfeeding, and you’ll be the best support your partner could hope for. A fun and interesting read is Kate Evans’ “Food of Love” (Amazon affiliate link). You’ll find more websites and books in the sources and further reading at the bottom of this page.
2. Offer reassurance
Reassure your partner that you’re there to support them, offer encouraging words and be positive about their progress. As with any new skill, reassurance and praise are a great help!
3. Create a comfortable space
Your partner may spend a lot of time feeding your baby, so a comfortable, relaxing space matters. Help set up a ‘nursing nest’ with cushions, snacks, the TV remote, a book, muslin squares and a drink (staying hydrated is important). Many parents keep a little basket of essentials nearby for feeds.
4. Take on more household chores
Take on more than your usual share of chores, and/or get extra help – a postnatal doula, a cleaner or a dog walker, for example. The more your partner can focus on feeding your baby, the better.
5. Get involved in your baby’s care in other ways
Your baby needs much more than feeding! Get involved by playing, reading stories, bathing, changing nappies, taking them for walks and having cuddles. This gives your partner time to recharge or have a shower – and helps you bond with your baby too.
6. Know where to find support
Many places in the UK run regular breastfeeding peer support groups, in person and online. Find out about local groups during pregnancy, and encourage your partner to go along to one or two before the baby arrives. The Breastfeeding Network also has lots of valuable support and information.
7. Offer a massage
A massage can help your partner relax and feel more comfortable, which supports milk flow – the hormone oxytocin is what lets the milk flow. Not everyone loves a massage, but if your partner does, it’s a great way to help!
8. Keep them fed
Feeding the breastfeeding parent is feeding your baby! Plenty of nutritious food (and some treats) helps with comfort, energy and a rewarding feeding experience. Top tip: food that can be eaten with one hand and without cutlery is the most practical during feeds. A pizza cutter is handy too, as you can use it with one hand!
9. Protect their privacy
Too many visitors in the first few weeks can make feeding harder. Help by keeping visitors to a minimum, or inviting them once breastfeeding is established. See my post on visitor boundaries for more ideas.
10. Look after older children
If you have older children, look after them while your baby is feeding. Being able to focus on feeding without worrying about older siblings is incredibly helpful.
