What is the role of the birth partner after your baby is born? How can your partner support you and your baby in the early postnatal period, and where can they find support for themselves?
Giving birth is a life-changing experience for parents and their close support network. After your baby arrives, the birth partner’s role becomes even more important. In the early weeks there are many ways your partner can support you and your little one.
First and foremost, your partner can offer emotional support: words of encouragement, understanding and reassurance during this beautiful but challenging time. They can listen to your thoughts and feelings, helping you process your birth and adjust to becoming a parent.
Your partner can also help with practical tasks, such as nappy changes, bathing your baby, rocking them or taking them out for a walk. Taking on these jobs gives you time for much-needed rest and physical recovery. They can also keep the home clean and comfortable for you both, manage visitors, and make sure you have food and drinks to hand.
Partners need to look after their own wellbeing too. Caring for a newborn can be overwhelming, and partners can also experience low mood or postnatal depression. Encourage each other to reach out to friends, family or local parent groups to share experiences and get advice. If either of you is struggling, talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP. Organisations such as PANDAS support both mums and dads.
This time is full of joy, but it can also be hard. Open communication and mutual support are key. Together you can navigate the ups and downs of early parenthood and build a strong foundation for your new family.
You might also consider hiring a postnatal doula, who can support your family emotionally and practically in the early weeks.
What are affirmations, and how can they help new parents?
Affirmations (or positive affirmations) are phrases you repeat to yourself again and again to change your mindset. You can say them out loud or in your head, or hear them as part of a session with a hypnotherapist or other therapist. Most commonly, they help you turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
Affirmations can help you feel more in control and empowered as a new parent – including while feeding your baby!
Affirmations can improve your ability to solve problems and make decisions under stress, such as sleep deprivation or pressure from others. Making the right decisions for you and your baby helps you feel empowered as a ‘good enough’ parent.
Here are some videos you can loop while feeding your baby:
Affirmations can really help new parents focus on what they can control and let go of what they can’t.
Your bubble of calm, confidence and control
Set aside a few minutes every day to focus on yourself and your bond with your baby. Imagine that you and your baby are inside a bubble – your safe space. Leave the chores, visitors and everything else outside. It’s just you and your baby. Focus on your breathing, using a calm breathing technique that suits you – you can follow the moving circle in the gif below if you like. For that time, it’s just the two of you, in a safe space, focusing on your bond.
Circle of calm, confidence and control – a technique for new parents
You could also focus on positive parenting affirmations while you’re in your bubble.
Practise your affirmations daily – you’ll feel better for it. Look after yourself and your mental health. Making time for yourself and your baby strengthens your bond, improves your mental wellbeing and may even help your postnatal healing.
Finding a new balance
Having a baby means your time for yourself, for each other as a couple, and with friends and family has to be divided differently. You’ll need to find a new balance that works for your family. Mothers and fathers both benefit from bonding with their baby and taking care of themselves – and the whole family benefits when parents make time and space for themselves, for the family together, and for each other as a couple.
Have a look at the images below. Each circle represents a person: the larger ones (grey and blue) are the parents, and the smaller lilac one is the baby. Where the circles overlap shows how much time they spend together. There may be very little couple time unless you get some help, such as a postnatal doula or a babysitter, and one parent may spend more time with the baby than the other. The parts that don’t overlap are the time you divide between chores, ‘me time’, work, family and friends, pets, hobbies and so on. Finding a balance that works for you can take a while, so give it time – and use a few minutes each day with positive affirmations to help you rebalance.
F, H. R., Supriyana, S., & Runjati, R. (2021). Self-Empowerment, Affirmation And Relaxation Training Against Stress Levels And Cortisol Levels In Pregnant Women: Systematic Literature Review. STRADA Jurnal Ilmiah Kesehatan, 10(1), 335–343. https://doi.org/10.30994/sjik.v10i1.636
Sari, R. P., Silawati, V. and Azzahroh, P. (2022). The Effectiveness of Positive Affirmations Combination of Face Acupressure and Aromatherapy Against Anxiety in Preoperative Sectio Cesarean Patients At Sentosa Hospital Bogor. Science Midwifery, 10(3), pp. 2164–2170. doi: 10.35335/midwifery.v10i3.629.
Wiesenfeld, B.M., Brockner, J., Petzall, B., Wolf, R., & Bailey, J. (2001). Stress and coping among layoff survivors: A self-affirmation analysis. Anxiety, Stress and Coping: An International Journal, 14, 15–34.
Worthman, C.M., Plotsky, P.M., Schechter, D.S., & Cummings, C.A. (eds). (2010). Formative Experiences: The Interaction of Caregiving, Culture, and Developmental Psychobiology. New York: Cambridge University Press.
Are you planning a caesarean birth, or have you recently had one? Here’s what to expect during your recovery.
Emotional recovery
How you feel after a caesarean birth depends on what you expected and on what happened before and during the birth.
Almost half of all births in England are now by caesarean (NHS Maternity Statistics, 2024–25), so there’s always a chance you may have one. You may feel happy that your baby is finally here, but disappointed if you were hoping for a vaginal birth. If you can, try to be open to all possibilities before the birth – births rarely go exactly to plan. Learning about your options in pregnancy can help prepare you for different outcomes.
Talking through your caesarean birth with a health professional soon afterwards may help your emotional recovery. You should have the chance to talk to your midwife or obstetrician before you leave hospital. If you don’t, ask for an appointment as soon as possible – this is also a good time to discuss how the caesarean may affect future pregnancies.
Physical recovery
Physical recovery after a caesarean usually takes about six weeks. A caesarean is major surgery, and you will have some pain and discomfort – even laughing, coughing or small movements can make your scar hurt. Supporting your wound with your hands or a pillow helps.
Driving: you can drive again once you can wear a seatbelt comfortably and do an emergency stop without pain – usually after about six weeks. Check with your car insurance provider first, as some have specific rules after surgery.
Tips to aid your recovery and ease discomfort:
Eat and drink as soon as you feel hungry or thirsty, and drink plenty. Choose high-fibre foods to help prevent constipation.
Keep your wound clean by washing and drying it every day. A freshly washed flannel works well; if you use soap, rinse thoroughly. Pat the wound dry with a clean towel rather than rubbing, and change your towel and flannel daily.
Empty your bladder regularly to reduce pressure on your scar.
Wear loose clothes and soft cotton knickers one or two sizes bigger than usual (or borrow your partner’s!). You can also buy special post-caesarean knickers that sit above your scar.
Tell your midwife if you notice any signs of infection, such as redness, increased soreness or discharge from the scar, or if you have a high temperature.
You’ll be encouraged to start moving gently the day after your operation to help your recovery. You may see a physiotherapist, or at least be given a leaflet by your midwife. Take it slowly, and don’t start more strenuous exercise until your healthcare professional says it’s okay.
Pain relief
Pain relief will be available in hospital, and you’ll be given something to take at home too. The options depend on how much pain you’re in. Most painkillers are safe while breastfeeding – please discuss your options with your midwife, obstetrician or other health professional.
Your scar
If you’d like to know what your scar will look like, visit Caesarean Birth and VBAC Information, which has caesarean scar pictures and a wealth of information about caesarean birth, recovery and VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean).
Breastfeeding
You can start breastfeeding straight after a caesarean. Extra skin-to-skin and support can help. Because of the wound, breastfeeding can be more challenging in the early days, so please ask for help when you need it, and tell your health professional you’re breastfeeding when discussing pain relief.
Having one baby by caesarean doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need a caesarean for future births. You can discuss this with your midwife, GP or obstetrician. Whether you have another caesarean will depend on:
the risks and benefits of a caesarean for you and your baby
your personal preferences and priorities
However, if your first caesarean was due to something that won’t change in future pregnancies, such as the shape of your pelvis, it’s very likely that a caesarean will be recommended for future births.
Online course including caesarean information
Please also check out my online course! No videos, just text and images to learn in your own time. Includes hypnobirthing mp3s, scripts, workbook, handouts, infographics and much more! Lots and lots of information at your fingertips! Includes:
