What is the role of the birth partner after your baby is born? How can your partner support you and your baby in the early postnatal period, and where can they find support for themselves?
Giving birth is a life-changing experience for parents and their close support network. After your baby arrives, the birth partner’s role becomes even more important. In the early weeks there are many ways your partner can support you and your little one.
First and foremost, your partner can offer emotional support: words of encouragement, understanding and reassurance during this beautiful but challenging time. They can listen to your thoughts and feelings, helping you process your birth and adjust to becoming a parent.
Your partner can also help with practical tasks, such as nappy changes, bathing your baby, rocking them or taking them out for a walk. Taking on these jobs gives you time for much-needed rest and physical recovery. They can also keep the home clean and comfortable for you both, manage visitors, and make sure you have food and drinks to hand.
Partners need to look after their own wellbeing too. Caring for a newborn can be overwhelming, and partners can also experience low mood or postnatal depression. Encourage each other to reach out to friends, family or local parent groups to share experiences and get advice. If either of you is struggling, talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP. Organisations such as PANDAS support both mums and dads.
This time is full of joy, but it can also be hard. Open communication and mutual support are key. Together you can navigate the ups and downs of early parenthood and build a strong foundation for your new family.
You might also consider hiring a postnatal doula, who can support your family emotionally and practically in the early weeks.
What are affirmations, and how can they help new parents?
Affirmations (or positive affirmations) are phrases you repeat to yourself again and again to change your mindset. You can say them out loud or in your head, or hear them as part of a session with a hypnotherapist or other therapist. Most commonly, they help you turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
Affirmations can help you feel more in control and empowered as a new parent – including while feeding your baby!
Affirmations can improve your ability to solve problems and make decisions under stress, such as sleep deprivation or pressure from others. Making the right decisions for you and your baby helps you feel empowered as a ‘good enough’ parent.
Here are some videos you can loop while feeding your baby:
Affirmations can really help new parents focus on what they can control and let go of what they can’t.
Your bubble of calm, confidence and control
Set aside a few minutes every day to focus on yourself and your bond with your baby. Imagine that you and your baby are inside a bubble – your safe space. Leave the chores, visitors and everything else outside. It’s just you and your baby. Focus on your breathing, using a calm breathing technique that suits you – you can follow the moving circle in the gif below if you like. For that time, it’s just the two of you, in a safe space, focusing on your bond.
Circle of calm, confidence and control – a technique for new parents
You could also focus on positive parenting affirmations while you’re in your bubble.
Practise your affirmations daily – you’ll feel better for it. Look after yourself and your mental health. Making time for yourself and your baby strengthens your bond, improves your mental wellbeing and may even help your postnatal healing.
Finding a new balance
Having a baby means your time for yourself, for each other as a couple, and with friends and family has to be divided differently. You’ll need to find a new balance that works for your family. Mothers and fathers both benefit from bonding with their baby and taking care of themselves – and the whole family benefits when parents make time and space for themselves, for the family together, and for each other as a couple.
Have a look at the images below. Each circle represents a person: the larger ones (grey and blue) are the parents, and the smaller lilac one is the baby. Where the circles overlap shows how much time they spend together. There may be very little couple time unless you get some help, such as a postnatal doula or a babysitter, and one parent may spend more time with the baby than the other. The parts that don’t overlap are the time you divide between chores, ‘me time’, work, family and friends, pets, hobbies and so on. Finding a balance that works for you can take a while, so give it time – and use a few minutes each day with positive affirmations to help you rebalance.
F, H. R., Supriyana, S., & Runjati, R. (2021). Self-Empowerment, Affirmation And Relaxation Training Against Stress Levels And Cortisol Levels In Pregnant Women: Systematic Literature Review. STRADA Jurnal Ilmiah Kesehatan, 10(1), 335–343. https://doi.org/10.30994/sjik.v10i1.636
Sari, R. P., Silawati, V. and Azzahroh, P. (2022). The Effectiveness of Positive Affirmations Combination of Face Acupressure and Aromatherapy Against Anxiety in Preoperative Sectio Cesarean Patients At Sentosa Hospital Bogor. Science Midwifery, 10(3), pp. 2164–2170. doi: 10.35335/midwifery.v10i3.629.
Wiesenfeld, B.M., Brockner, J., Petzall, B., Wolf, R., & Bailey, J. (2001). Stress and coping among layoff survivors: A self-affirmation analysis. Anxiety, Stress and Coping: An International Journal, 14, 15–34.
Worthman, C.M., Plotsky, P.M., Schechter, D.S., & Cummings, C.A. (eds). (2010). Formative Experiences: The Interaction of Caregiving, Culture, and Developmental Psychobiology. New York: Cambridge University Press.
To be honest, like so much about birthing and raising children, it’s a lot of trial and error. There’s no one-size-fits-all or quick fix – every baby, and every relationship between baby and parent, is unique.
The suggestions below for introducing a bottle to your breastfed baby come from years of working with new parents.
When should I introduce a bottle?
The timing is up to you, and depends on why you’re introducing a bottle and whether you want to keep breastfeeding or mix feed. Some parents need to stop breastfeeding earlier than they’d hoped for medical reasons, or because they’ll be away from their baby. Others choose to stop, or to start mixed feeding, out of personal preference. Anything is possible, and there’s no single best time – your family and circumstances are unique.
How do I start?
Choose a day when your partner or main support person is around. Your baby may accept a bottle more easily from someone other than the breastfeeding parent. They know their milk comes from you, and may not understand why it’s now coming from this new object.
Choose a time when your baby is calm and settled. A settled baby is usually more open to new things.
Start small. At first, offer the bottle about an hour after a breastfeed, with a small amount (around 15ml/½oz) of breast milk or formula.
Get the temperature right. Breastfed babies are used to milk at body temperature (about 37°C) and can be fussy about it. Warm refrigerated breast milk in a bowl of warm water, a bottle warmer or under warm running water. Cool freshly made-up formula in a bowl of cold water or under cold running water.
Leave the room (or the house). Sometimes the breastfeeding parent needs to be out of the way so the baby can’t smell their milk.
Be patient. Gently touch your baby’s upper lip with the teat and let them ‘latch on’ as they would to the breast. If they get upset and haven’t fed after 10 minutes, stop and try again later or the next day.
Bond with your baby. Talk to them and make eye contact. Skin-to-skin can help too – it helps your baby relax and settle, and stimulates their interest in feeding.
Try different teats and bottles. You might strike lucky with the first one, but if not, there are plenty more to try:
Short, rounded teats with a wide base are thought to give an experience more similar to breastfeeding.
Some babies gag on longer teats, so shorter ones may suit them better.
Warm the teat with warm water before feeding.
Try different positions. The positions babies prefer for bottle feeding are often different from breastfeeding positions. Try a facing-out position so your baby can look around the room, or walk around while feeding.
Try a spoon, a free-flow cup, a Doidy Cup or a small open cup. If you’d rather not use a bottle, or you’ve tried everything and it hasn’t worked, you could try one of these instead. Hold your baby upright and well supported on your lap. Bring the spoon or cup to their mouth and touch the milk to their upper lip, letting them take the milk themselves at their own pace. Never pour milk into your baby’s mouth, as this could make them choke.
Responsive (paced) bottle feeding
For anyone feeding their baby with a bottle, responsive or paced bottle feeding is recommended by the NHS.
Recognise feeding cues, and feed your baby when they show signs of hunger.
Hold your baby close, in a semi-upright position, during feeds.
Brush the teat against your baby’s top lip to encourage them to open their mouth wide. Keep the bottle fairly horizontal.
Watch your baby and follow their cues when they need a break.
Your baby knows how much milk they need – follow their lead.
Responsive (paced) bottle feeding
Responsive (paced) bottle feeding – a visual guide
