Tag: birth trauma

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Birth Trauma is real!

Your birth trauma is real. Sadly, the UK maternity system is under huge strain. Induction, caesarean and assisted birth rates are rising – and so is the number of parents experiencing birth trauma.

What is birth trauma (postnatal PTSD)?

There are four main symptoms:

  • Avoidance: avoiding anything or anyone that reminds you of the trauma – for example, other parents with babies, or going to (or past) the place where you gave birth.
  • Re-experiencing: reliving the traumatic event through nightmares, flashbacks or intrusive memories that make you feel panicky or distressed.
  • Hypervigilance: feeling constantly on alert, jumpy and irritable, or worried that something bad will happen to your baby.
  • Low mood: feeling low and unhappy, or guilty and blaming yourself for your birth experience. You may also find it hard to remember parts of the birth.

Not everyone who has a traumatic experience develops PTSD, but it is a common response to trauma. It’s involuntary – you can’t help it, and it can’t be cured by “snapping out of it” or “focusing on the positive”.

Perhaps you’re reading this because your birth trauma is stopping you (and/or your partner) from trying for another baby? Or because people keep telling you to “snap out of it”? Or maybe you can’t sleep, or feel you can’t bond with your baby, because of your birth experience?

You are not alone. Your birth trauma is real. Research shows that around 4–5% of people who give birth develop PTSD – and fathers and partners can develop PTSD after witnessing a traumatic birth, too.

How can you get help with birth trauma?

The Birth Trauma Association (BTA) explains where and how to get help, including their peer support and how to access psychological support. You could talk to professionals such as:

  • your GP
  • your midwife
  • your health visitor
  • a counsellor

Or to people you trust, such as:

There may be families near you who have also experienced birth trauma and would be happy to share their experiences – the BTA can help you find local volunteers and peers.

Another wonderfully supportive option is Sheryl, the Healing Birth Doula, who offers online learning including her Birth Empowerment course.

Pregnant again after birth trauma?

If you’re pregnant again after a traumatic birth, here are some ideas to help you enjoy your pregnancy and start looking forward to meeting your baby.

There’s no quick fix, but there are plenty of options – and it’s important to talk to someone. A trauma-informed doula or hypnobirthing practitioner can work with you on what happened last time, help you find closure, and then help you plan for this new birth. A practitioner trained in the rewind technique (a gentle therapy for processing traumatic memories) may also help you heal.

In short:

  • work through your previous birth (for example, with the rewind technique)
  • acknowledge that it is in the past
  • find closure for your previous birth
  • acknowledge that this is a completely new baby and a new experience
  • start writing down your birth preferences and “what if” ideas
  • start to look forward to your new birth experience

Your steps towards an empowered birth experience are shown in the image below. You may also find my post Pregnant again helpful.

Steps towards an empowered birth experience after birth trauma

My online course to help you prepare for your baby’s birth

Please also check out my online course! No videos, just text and images to learn in your own time. Includes hypnobirthing mp3s, scripts, workbook, handouts, infographics and much more! Lots and lots of information at your fingertips! Includes:

  • hypnobirthing mp3s
  • hypnobirthing scripts
  • written information
  • infographics and other imagery
  • printable handouts
  • printable workbook/journal
Enroll now
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Pregnant again

pregnant again

Congratulations! Being pregnant again can be especially challenging when your older child is still very young. Being pregnant with a toddler in tow is hard work! You’re tired because you’re pregnant, but you can’t nap during the day as easily. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to accept help. If family or friends offer to look after your older child or children, say yes! If your older ones are at school or nursery, rest when you have some time to yourself.

When and how will you tell your older child or children? Everyone is different. Some parents tell their children as soon as they know; others prefer to wait. There is no right or wrong, and it often depends on how old your children are. If you have a toddler, a baby doll can be a great way for them to explore how to treat a baby and get used to the idea of having one around.

Here are some things you can do to prepare yourself and your child for the new arrival:

  • If you’re planning to move an older sibling to a new room, it may be easier to do it well before the new baby arrives, so the baby isn’t the obvious reason. You could talk about moving to a “big boy” or “big girl” room.
  • The new baby could “give” their older sibling a present, to start things off on a good note 🙂
  • Get your older child involved in packing your birth bag.
  • Think about who could look after your older children while you’re pregnant and need a rest, while you’re giving birth, and in the early days.
  • You may feel you can’t give your second child as much attention as you gave your first. That doesn’t mean you love either of them any less.
  • It’s okay to sometimes use the TV or a tablet to keep your older children busy while you rest, and once your new baby is born 🙂
  • Eat well and get plenty of fresh air and daylight to help with tiredness – especially as you need to limit your caffeine.
  • Look after yourself, and remember to take folic acid from when you start trying to conceive until at least 12 weeks of pregnancy.
  • Practise your breathing and relaxation techniques for labour and birth every day.
  • Try to exercise gently or go for a walk regularly – it will help keep your energy levels up!
  • You could watch some positive birth videos with your older children. I suggest watching them on your own first, then choosing one or two to watch together. My library even has a section of other mammals giving birth!
  • MamAmor dolls are a lovely way to show children (or adults!) how babies are born, both vaginally and by caesarean – see the demo videos below.

If your previous birth was traumatic, it may help to speak to a trauma-informed doula or perinatal educator. A non-judgemental approach to your new pregnancy can help you work towards a positive birth experience this time round. My wonderful colleague Sheryl (@simplynatal) calls it your Healing Birth.

You’ve got this!!