Tag: subsequent pregnancy

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Bonding with your baby in pregnancy

Bonding with your baby in pregnancy

Bonding with your baby can begin during pregnancy, while your baby is still growing in the womb. Pregnancy is a perfect time to start, and this early attachment is important for your baby’s development after they are born.

What can babies experience in the womb?

Sound

From around 18 weeks of pregnancy, your baby begins to hear sounds – all the gurgling noises inside your body, as well as your heartbeat. Babies still find a heartbeat comforting and familiar after they are born! From around 26 weeks, your baby may start reacting to sounds from outside. You could play music to them, or your partner could read them a story – a great way for the non-pregnant parent to start bonding. When they are born, your baby will recognise their parents’ voices (and those of anyone else you live with or spend lots of time with). As well as remembering sounds from their mother’s language, babies may remember music played to them in the womb.

Bonding with your baby in pregnancy

Sight

Your baby opens their eyes at around 22 weeks of pregnancy and can sense light. Their sight continues to develop after they are born.

Smell and taste

Your baby takes in smells and tastes through the amniotic fluid. Their taste buds are formed as early as 13 weeks of pregnancy, and their sense of smell starts working at around 16 weeks.

Touch

From around 18 weeks, your baby often sleeps while you are awake, as your movement can rock them to sleep. They develop the sensation of pain at around 22 weeks, and by 26 weeks they may move in response to a hand being rubbed on your bump.

Language development

From about 32 weeks, your baby may start to recognise certain vowel sounds from your language. Some research suggests that very early language development begins before birth.

How to start bonding with your baby during pregnancy

Here are some ideas to help you start bonding with your baby during pregnancy:

  • Talk and sing to your baby, knowing they can hear you. Top tip: point a cardboard tube at the bump and talk, read or sing through it to amplify your voice slightly.
  • Relax, look after yourself and try not to stress. Evidence shows that when a mother feels calm and relaxed during pregnancy, her baby’s health outcomes are better. Your partner or a close friend can be a great support if you need someone to talk to.
  • Gently rub or massage your bump, and press back gently when your baby kicks.
  • Play music to your baby – some mothers like to place headphones on their bump. Choose calming music such as lullabies, or music with a heartbeat-like rhythm (around 60 beats per minute).

Bonding for fathers, partners, non-birthing mothers and parents

  • Massage the bump, if the pregnant mother or person is happy for you to do so.
  • Feel the baby kicking as often as you can.
  • Go to antenatal appointments and classes together to prepare for the birth and life with your baby.
  • If you’re going to be a birth partner, join in with classes such as hypnobirthing too. It’s important that you both explore and understand your options so you can make informed decisions during the birth.
  • Read stories to the bump, so your baby gets used to your voice.

Bonding for older siblings

Preparing your toddler or child for the new arrival can help them bond with the baby. Have a look at my post Pregnant again for tips for siblings!

You may not fall in love with your baby the moment they are born, and that’s okay. Starting the bonding process in pregnancy can help your baby bond with you, and your own feelings may grow once you get to know each other a little better.

References

Schaal B et al. Human foetuses learn odours from their pregnant mother’s diet. Chem Senses 2000;25:729-37.

Lecanuet JP, Schaal B. Fetal sensory competencies. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol 1996;68:1-2.

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Pregnant again

pregnant again

Congratulations! Being pregnant again can be especially challenging when your older child is still very young. Being pregnant with a toddler in tow is hard work! You’re tired because you’re pregnant, but you can’t nap during the day as easily. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to accept help. If family or friends offer to look after your older child or children, say yes! If your older ones are at school or nursery, rest when you have some time to yourself.

When and how will you tell your older child or children? Everyone is different. Some parents tell their children as soon as they know; others prefer to wait. There is no right or wrong, and it often depends on how old your children are. If you have a toddler, a baby doll can be a great way for them to explore how to treat a baby and get used to the idea of having one around.

Here are some things you can do to prepare yourself and your child for the new arrival:

  • If you’re planning to move an older sibling to a new room, it may be easier to do it well before the new baby arrives, so the baby isn’t the obvious reason. You could talk about moving to a “big boy” or “big girl” room.
  • The new baby could “give” their older sibling a present, to start things off on a good note 🙂
  • Get your older child involved in packing your birth bag.
  • Think about who could look after your older children while you’re pregnant and need a rest, while you’re giving birth, and in the early days.
  • You may feel you can’t give your second child as much attention as you gave your first. That doesn’t mean you love either of them any less.
  • It’s okay to sometimes use the TV or a tablet to keep your older children busy while you rest, and once your new baby is born 🙂
  • Eat well and get plenty of fresh air and daylight to help with tiredness – especially as you need to limit your caffeine.
  • Look after yourself, and remember to take folic acid from when you start trying to conceive until at least 12 weeks of pregnancy.
  • Practise your breathing and relaxation techniques for labour and birth every day.
  • Try to exercise gently or go for a walk regularly – it will help keep your energy levels up!
  • You could watch some positive birth videos with your older children. I suggest watching them on your own first, then choosing one or two to watch together. My library even has a section of other mammals giving birth!
  • MamAmor dolls are a lovely way to show children (or adults!) how babies are born, both vaginally and by caesarean – see the demo videos below.

If your previous birth was traumatic, it may help to speak to a trauma-informed doula or perinatal educator. A non-judgemental approach to your new pregnancy can help you work towards a positive birth experience this time round. My wonderful colleague Sheryl (@simplynatal) calls it your Healing Birth.

You’ve got this!!