Teaching expectant parents about routines is an important part of antenatal and early parenting education. It’s often less about teaching routines and more about helping parents explore normal newborn development – and set realistic expectations.
New parents are often asked by friends, family and even strangers: “Is he a good baby?”, “Does she sleep through the night?” or “Are your twins in a routine yet?” Questions like these, and the unrealistic expectations behind them, can leave parents worried that their baby should be behaving differently, and add extra pressure.
It’s important to remember that sleep is a developmental process, just like learning to walk, eat or talk, and that our sleep needs change throughout our lives.
How can we teach expectant parents about newborn sleep?
Newborn babies may sleep for around 18 hours a day, but often only for 2–3 hours at a time. Over the first year, total sleep falls to around 15 hours, and more of it shifts to night-time as their circadian rhythms develop.
I use the sleep development graphic from BASIS – Normal sleep development to help expectant parents explore normal infant sleep. As BASIS explains, night-waking is normal in early infancy, and healthy babies wake several times a night at the end of sleep cycles.
Alongside it, I use a ’24 hours with a newborn’ activity – my Baby 24hr Clock is perfect for this. It helps parents see how unpredictable newborn sleep can be at first, and then move on to solutions and ways of managing things for themselves, rather than trying to manage their baby’s behaviour. Each group gets information from BASIS, The Lullaby Trust and the NHS as supporting material.
As a solution, I encourage parents to start a simple bedtime routine early – doing the same things each evening at ‘bedtime’. It’s about the process of settling their baby, not the time of day or how long the baby sleeps, and it helps their baby learn the difference between day and night.
Parents could try some of these before every night-time sleep:
- changing into pyjamas or a sleepsuit
- a gentle baby massage
- a bath
- reading or telling a short story
- singing a lullaby
- brushing teeth (once they arrive!)
- saying “night night” after placing their baby in their cot
Over time, these cues help the baby recognise that it’s time for the ‘long sleep’. I always emphasise that night waking is normal and very important in the early months. Babies wake most often at night during their first 12 weeks; after that, the gaps between feeds gradually become more adult-friendly.
I also like to show some ‘chaos vs order’ images, such as these from Just Another Serendipity, to demonstrate (with a smile!) that order isn’t always the best way 😉
In summary: help expectant parents develop realistic expectations, and explore ways of coping with sleep deprivation! See also A Guide to Normal Infant Sleep and Safety and Teaching about Safer Sleep.
Sources and further reading:
- BASIS: https://www.basisonline.org.uk/
- The Lullaby Trust: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/
- NHS: Helping your baby to sleep
- Raising Children Network: Newborn sleep routines
- Sarah Ockwell-Smith: Baby sleep